I’ll always remember my first day of my ‘big boy job’.
I jumped straight from graduation to a personal training course, via Thailand, and had big dreams.
I expected to walk into any gym, become the number one trainer and have to fight off gym members who’d be lining up outside the door for my services; not too dissimilar to the Boxing Day sales in Harrods.
And so, I swaggered into the gym, filled with youthful exuberance, ready to tell anyone who’d listen that I was about to take over the joint.
GETTING BROKEN DOWN
Unfortunately, the current trainers weren’t wearing the same rose-tinted glasses I was.
“You’ll never train enough people to be full time in here.”
“None of the members in here have a job, never mind money for personal training sessions.”
“You may pick up one or two clients, but that’s it.”
I remember leaving the gym hours before I had intended on. I was low, really low. I didn’t really understand why, and – for the first time ever – I started doubting myself.
My positive demeanour had momentarily escaped me and I found myself believing that I was going to fail.
My mind was racing with doubt:
“Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not going to succeed here. Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong path. Maybe I’m just being naïve because I’m young and don’t know any better”
On the drive home I found myself in a mental battle.
The previously dominant portion of my brain – which (to this day) makes me feel invincible – had been silenced; and the portion filled with doubt and insecurity was in charge.
At the time I didn’t understand what was going on. I just felt as if I had been beaten, like the wind had been taken from my sails.
BUILDING MYSELF BACK UP
Unsure of what to do next, I decided to fight fire with fire. I got home and typed “motivation” into YouTube’s search bar and surfed through the results, watching the videos and trying to pick myself up.
I stumbled upon an excerpt from the film: ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’, starring Will Smith:
“Don’t ever let someone tell you…you can’t do something, not even me…. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.”
Those few sentences changed my mind-set and, to this day, I remind myself of them often.
CRAB MENTALITY
Everywhere you turn in life there’s people telling you that you cannot do something. This phenomenon is often referred to as ‘crab mentality’ as it used the analogy of crabs in a bucket.
When one crab tries to escape from the bucket, another will grab it and pull it back down. Selfishly, the crabs on the bottom don’t want to see other crabs rise above and ‘break free’ from the monotony of the norm. They drag the ambitious crabs back to their level, therefore preventing them from achieving.
This happens among humans, too.
One person sees another person achieving more than they believe they could achieve themselves and so they drag them down. Not literally, but figuratively, in the form of negativity.
The non-achiever will project their negative thoughts and viewpoints on to the achievers in an attempt to convince them that they can’t possibly ‘make it’ doing what they’re doing. Unfortunately, all too often, the negativity seeps into the achiever’s mind, casts doubt and, ultimately, convinces he/she to give up on their dreams.
Just like the crabs, these people do not like to see others achieve more than they are capable of achieving themselves.
Whether it’s co-workers not wanting to see you gain a promotion because you’ll earn more money than them or friends who don’t want you to get in shape because you’ll look better than them.
It happens, and it happens a lot.
CHOOSE WISELY
I say it all the time, and I’ll say it again:
Negative people are poisonous and need to be avoided.
They may be your closest friend or family member, but if they’re bringing you down, they have to go.
Press the delete button and remove them from your life. They’ll only hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do and being who you want to be.
THINGS I DO TO SPREAD POSITIVITY
Due to all of the aforementioned negativity, I try to purvey as much positive energy on a daily basis as I possibly can. Here’s a few examples or things I do (or, at least, try to do) to have a positive impact on others:
1. Since that first day at the gym, I made positivity a part of my daily routine. I tell myself how awesome I am everyday – a la Muhammad Ali – and I often even tell you guys how awesome I am.
(NOTE: I’ve still to find what it is I’m actually awesome at, other than telling people how awesome I am…but, hey, at least I’m good at something.)
2. If someone tells me about one of their ideas, even if it’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard, I try to extract the positives and encourage them; rather than shooting them down.
A picture I took from the boat as we were arriving on Bounty Island, Fiji; where we were welcomed with a traditional song from the super-happy locals.
3. When I walk past people in the street, I try to smile and nod at them.
In Fiji when you walk past the locals they greet you with a warm smile and say “Bula” (which literally translates to “life”, but is used as “hello and welcome”) and you’re expected to say it back.
It happens approximately a gazillion times a day, to the point that I almost got bored hearing/saying it, but the Fijians are probably the happiest people I’ve come across and I’m throwing it right out there and claiming that it’s all down to how pleasant they are to one and other.
I found similar circumstances in Thailand, where people bow (‘wai’) to greet you. This is also a far friendlier approach than walking down the street scared of walking into a lamppost because your eyes are glued to your smartphone.
4. When I’m buying something in a shop, coffee being the most regular item, I tell the baristas to have a nice day as I leave.
I picked this simple nicety whilst living in the States and Australia. People on those two sides of the world are far friendlier than the people of the UK, in my not-so-humble opinion. Sure, at times it feels false and forced but when it’s said sincerely, it can have a positive impact on the individual.
5. Finally, I make people better looking.
Everyday I train people from all walks of life and make them fitter, leaner, more confident and (hopefully) happier. This has a knock on effect as their partner’s become happier as a result of their increased levels of attractiveness. Or, if they’re single, their increased attractiveness lengthens the list of potential suitors.
My skills truly are that powerful.
EXAMPLES OF MY MIND-SET
To finish this post off, here are some examples of negative things people have said to me and how I’ve responded – sometimes just in my own head and sometimes aloud. (Some are serious, some are jovial but they all happened.)
>>> “You’ll never make a career in of the fitness industry.”
No, you can’t see yourself making a career in the fitness industry. I got this.
>>> “There’s no way you’ll make it past the first few weeks in Australia.”
No, you wouldn’t make it past the first few weeks. I got this.
I think she likes me. Yup, Ross-daft.
>>> “She’s far too good for you.”
No, she’s too good for you. Too good for me doesn’t exist. I got this. (Just let me believe it, okay?!)
>>> “Fighting? You’ve never fought a day in your life. You’ll get smashed!”
I’ve not had a rough upbringing or a troubled past, but I work my ass off in the gym and have been honing my skills for years. I got this.
>>> “You could never eat that family sized apple pie and two cartons of custard.”
No. You couldn’t, but I wil…okay, I failed that one. Got two bites away from the finish line, thought I was going to projectile vomit, die or both, so I swallowed my pride, got into the foetal position and fell into an insulin-induced coma.
Ross Stewart Fitness 